Struggles

First of all, ive never really done a blog before.. i'm doing this to share the struggles that i have faced..i have recently went on a mission trip and to a conference..these two trips have changed my life forever for the good :)... At first i didnt really wanna go on these trips..i thought they would be just like the other church trips, but indeed they were not!..they were sooo Amazing and taught me sooo much...i probably need to mention the many struggles before these trips..well for about two years i have been hanging with the WRONG crowd...the only reason i did was because they always got all the attention..i craved that attention even though i am quite shy.. i loved being in the spotlight with them..i recently learned that the attention they were receiving was negative attention..but when i was with them i felt like i was so cool.. i wanted to be like them even though i knew i wasnt being true to myself...they would do things that i NEVER thought i would see in my life...i would sit silently and watch them..even though i never took part in these things, im just as bad by sitting there and letting it happen..i kept telling myself, oh im not doing it so im okay..ill just sit here..well it got to the point where i had to tell SO Many lies to all those who loved me.. one lie turned into a giant web of lies..i would lie about everything to my parents and loved ones and now it makes me want to cry when i think about all the lies i told...at night i would think about everything and how i got away with so much.. it began to eat me up..i was so stupid and i am ashamed of myself for letting this go on for so long..another distraction that tore me apart was a guy...when i met this guy i fell head over heels for him...i would change my plans just so i could spend some time with him, even if it was just a few minutes..i would skip church sometimes to go see him..when he called to ask me to go somewhere i would drop everything to go with him..i would also forget about my schoolwork...i started to make bad grades and i wouldnt care..i spent about a year trying to make our realtionship work..i spent literally every minute of every day thinking about him...when we stopped seeing each other i still tried to fix it..i knew he wasnt a good guy when i met him, but he was popular and good looking..i came to find out that he was one of the biggest players in my school..i saw him with girls everywhere he went...one time when we were supposed to be "talking" i saw him hugged up on another girl..i confronted him about it and found out that he was actually "talking" to her..needless to say i cried myself to sleep that night..i fell into a sea of agony..i gave my whole heart to this guy and he just crushed it...i would cry myself to sleep many a night...i thought i was never gonna get over him... so with him and my bad friends i was being torn apart..it also began to take a physical toll on me too...i have experienced some anxiety attacks and had to go to the ER...i was at the lowest point possible and i didnt think i was ever going to get out..it got a little better as the days went on but i still felt like something was missing, like i was empty.....until these trips..in Cherokee, i learned so many things about my relationship with God...I was saved at a young age and my relationship with God was just okay, and when i got in high school it got worse, but the Cherokee trip helped me see that i dont need to focus so much on being popular and worldly things, but i need to keep my focus on God...i didnt know i was going to Student Life till the day before they left..my parents were worried about money, but obviously it was meant for me to go because they found the money...i got so much from the speaker Louie and the worship leader Chris..i learned that sin doesnt make you bad, it makes your soul dead..i was dead in sin , but now im forever alive in Christ..Jesus rescued me and to him belongs the HIGHEST PRAISE!...this year is going to be different and i WILL take a stand...God's not done with me yet!..greater things are still to come